The Recovering Histrionic Storyteller

As a recovering Storyteller, you keep your buoyancy and color, but now, because the Love compass point is balanced with the humility of Weakness, you are sensitive to people’s signals that they’ve heard enough funny stories.

Amazed by the genuine dialogue that ensues, you form relationships with increased depth and feel relaxed even when not in the limelight. Hidden insecurity is replaced by optimistic serenity.

Histrionic Storyteller Self Compass

As a recovering Storyteller: 

• You stop to listen to other’s points of view.
• You breathe more fully and speak with a slower delivery so that others are able to take in what you’re saying (the Strength compass point in rhythm with Weakness). 
• You grow to enjoy more time alone, in quiet contemplation or in pursuit of hobbies.
• Greater discipline in thinking and decision-making helps tap your intellectual potential (Strength compass point). 
• By developing more confidence and capability, you no longer feel the need for center stage.  
• Though you help others feel better with a lively and positive attitude, you acknowledge that it is normal to feel down sometimes. 

 

The Virtue of Good Cheer

With a fuller use of the Self Compass, the recovering Storyteller reaps the virtue of good cheer:

• Makes life exciting, colorful and humorous.
• Loves to laugh and play. 
• Gregarious.
• Doesn’t take the world too seriously.
• Feels lighthearted most of the time.
• Always ready for an adventure or surprise.

Instead of predictably patterned behavior, the Self Compass now offers you 360 degrees of choice to use as appropriate for any given situation.  

Now you are freed develop your own individual style in Christ. Precious in his eyes, there is no one else like you, because “the very hairs of your head are all numbered” (Mt 10:30).

For more, read: THE SELF COMPASS: Charting Your Personality in Christ

The Recovering Worrier

As a recovering Worrier, you move out of learned helplessness and into the world. You employ the Strength compass point of your Self Compass, in rhythm with your Weakness compass point. In so doing, you relate more effectively with people, bringing a much needed virtue to those interactions: empathy for human pain.  

Virtue of Empathy

It’s not that the times of feeling lonely disappear. It’s more that when they come, you do something to alleviate them. 

• You actually get yourself to a new church group you’ve been thinking about checking out. 
• You stop yourself from disappearing the moment the Bible study is over. 
• You discipline yourself to stay at least five minutes and engage in some sort of conversation. 
• You’re good at listening and getting better at talking. 
• Even though it’s scary, you’re learning to stay with a feeling and express it, rather than avoid it.
• Now daring to express needs and wants, you do it in a humble manner, sensitive to the other person’s point of view. 

 

Worrier Self Compass

Mobilizing your Strength and Assertion compass points brings a depth dimension to the events of your day that before had seemed flat and dreary.

You develop rhythmic access to all four compass points, yet since you favor the Weakness compass point, you are in the enviable position to readily own that you don’t have all the answers, and that you need God’s help in handling everyday life.

This is how redeemed Worriers reveal their growth in actual behavior when they access the LAWS of the Self Compass. And the virtue of empathy bears fruit:

Worrier—virtue of empathy.

• Isn’t demanding or competitive.
• Sensitive rapport with others.
• Peacemaking. 
• Has a high frustration tolerance.
• Not motivated by status or material gain.
• Is especially tender toward children, animals, and those who suffer. 

With the infusion of compass virtues, the locus of the self has changed. No longer is it fragmented, imbalanced, stuck on one or more of the compass points. Instead, your personality is now grounded in a balanced, God-oriented center that holds.

Instead of predictably patterned behavior, the Self Compass now offers you 360 degrees of choice to use as appropriate for any given situation. Now you are freed to express yourself through your own individual style in Christ. Precious in his eyes, there is no one else like you, because “the very hairs of your head are all numbered” (Mt 10:30 NKJV).

For more, read:

THE SELF COMPASS: CHARTING YOUR PERSONALITY IN CHRIST

Jesus Handled Controlling People: How Can You?

It is a hard, clear blue sky this afternoon in Judea when Jesus speaks. The crowds come. And come, from villages all around. They press in. Pushing closer, to hear his words. His disciples with him, Jesus preaches, his voice penetrating the desert air, reaching the hearts open to his word.

But someone interrupts him, to say that his family has arrived. They wish to speak with him, but are unable to get through the densely packed crowds to his side.

What is Jesus’ response? He says his family are those all about him, not limited by birth. Jesus refuses to let his family presume upon him and his mission (Matthew 12:46-50).

Jesus Preaching

What Is The Controlling Personality Pattern?

Jesus uses the Assertion compass point to withstand the Controlling Pattern. The Self Compass shows how the Controller pattern exaggerates a sense of competence. Without humility from the Weakness compass point, Controllers consider any opinion of theirs as the right opinion. Other people benefit when told how to think and act. It's only being helpful. 

Unknowingly, Controllers labor under the heavy burden of perfectionism, sometimes called the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Even though it’s impossible to achieve perfection, they're always striving to do so.  This curse of perfectionism yields bitter fruit. It isolates the person and torments others. Without caring from the Love compass point, the Controller pattern drives out joy, replacing it with a certain dictatorial grimness. It keeps Controllers from nurturing, forgiving, or having much fun. 

Compulsive Controller Personality Disorder

“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear," Jesus says, "and lay them on the shoulders of others; but they themselves are unwilling to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).

How It Feels To Be Around Controlling People

Someone living with the Controller pattern can feel this way:

• My spouse has the answers.
• My job is to obey all my spouse’s correctives because I’m incompetent. At times, I feel downright stupid.
• I want to act like a child, blow my stack. Pout.
• Which brings on the imperious censure even more full throttle.
• I feel demeaned. Deflated.
• I am an adult, yet constantly judged for my driving capability, for my grammar, for the way I give our child a bath, fill a dishwasher, make a bed.
• Somewhere there is fury.
• Certainly shame. 

Person Feeling Judged

Ways to Counter The Controlling Pattern

1. At home, calmly speak about how you feel, making full use of your Self Compass tools of caring assertion and humble confidence: 

"I feel like I can't do anything right these days. That doesn't feel good. It feels kind of grim to be around you. Not much fun."

2. Suggest ways that would work for you: 

"It would help me if you can you go more easy with your comments, maybe throw in a few compliments here and there?"

3. At work, use diplomatic assertion with a compulsive perfectionist boss:

"Yes, for sure I'm as keen as you are for me to turn in a topnotch Year End report. In order to do that, however, I will still need to turn it in tomorrow as we had previously agreed, rather than today as you're asking."

For more, read:

THE SELF COMPASS:

Charting Your Personality in Christ

How To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse

The Self Compass offers growth tools that really work for improving couples’ communication. The four compass points of the Self Compass (Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength) provide the framework for a growing and healthy couples' relationship.

In a nutshell, when you utilize all four compass points for couples' communication, you:

Love: Act considerately

Assertion: Express self tactfully

Weakness: Own up to blowing it

Strength: Listen respectfully

On the Self Compass, it looks like this:

Couples' Communication Self Compass

Here are some pointers to help you utilize your whole Self Compass in couples' communication:

Love and Assertion:

1. Avoid escalating a disagreement: restate it diplomatically in the here and now; agree where possible, and work toward a compromise.
2. Get rid of putdowns or sarcastic remarks (that read as aggressive to the unconscious) that make a partner self-conscious.
3. Instead, watch for ways to praise your partner, including around other people.  
4. Avoid painting your partner in a negative light, because the unconscious will always remember it.
5. Just as in car maintenance, keep your marriage well oiled and lubricated by a generous supply of basic kindness:  “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” “Excuse me.” “Good morning.” “Sleep well.” “How are you?” “I need you.” “I’m sorry.” “I love you!”

Strength and Weakness:

1. Offer your opinion or preference with humility.
2. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. 
3. Assume you don't know everything.
4. Warm up your spouse up to the communication you wish to have. 
5. Realize that you experience things that your spouse has no way of knowing about, unless you tell them. Avoid the trap of believing that if a person really loves you, he or she will be able to read your mind. 
6. The only tools available for communication and communion are words and body language. So whatever you want to say, especially if it has a strong emotional valence to it, break it to your partner gently.
7. Avoid arguments and misunderstandings by willingly repeating whatever you’re trying to say in fresh new words. 
8. It is only natural for couples to mishear a communication, or to take something personally and react defensively, instead of continuing the communication. 
9. With practice you can learn to let your partner finish whatever they are trying to say without interrupting them, or short-circuiting the communication with an emotional reaction. 
10. The more grace you extend to your partner, the more grace they become willing to extend to you. 
11. Taking the time to humbly clarify any misunderstanding builds mutual goodwill.

And finally, bring God right into the center of your relationship. Couples need all the help they can get to develop creative caring, ongoing respect, and emotional intimacy. Hold hands together and pray out loud for God’s will in your relationship: “Dear God, please bring blessing and guidance in our couple’s life. Help us grow closer than ever through this. Thank you.”