The Recovering Histrionic Storyteller

As a recovering Storyteller, you keep your buoyancy and color, but now, because the Love compass point is balanced with the humility of Weakness, you are sensitive to people’s signals that they’ve heard enough funny stories.

Amazed by the genuine dialogue that ensues, you form relationships with increased depth and feel relaxed even when not in the limelight. Hidden insecurity is replaced by optimistic serenity.

Histrionic Storyteller Self Compass

As a recovering Storyteller: 

• You stop to listen to other’s points of view.
• You breathe more fully and speak with a slower delivery so that others are able to take in what you’re saying (the Strength compass point in rhythm with Weakness). 
• You grow to enjoy more time alone, in quiet contemplation or in pursuit of hobbies.
• Greater discipline in thinking and decision-making helps tap your intellectual potential (Strength compass point). 
• By developing more confidence and capability, you no longer feel the need for center stage.  
• Though you help others feel better with a lively and positive attitude, you acknowledge that it is normal to feel down sometimes. 

 

The Virtue of Good Cheer

With a fuller use of the Self Compass, the recovering Storyteller reaps the virtue of good cheer:

• Makes life exciting, colorful and humorous.
• Loves to laugh and play. 
• Gregarious.
• Doesn’t take the world too seriously.
• Feels lighthearted most of the time.
• Always ready for an adventure or surprise.

Instead of predictably patterned behavior, the Self Compass now offers you 360 degrees of choice to use as appropriate for any given situation.  

Now you are freed develop your own individual style in Christ. Precious in his eyes, there is no one else like you, because “the very hairs of your head are all numbered” (Mt 10:30).

For more, read: THE SELF COMPASS: Charting Your Personality in Christ

Jesus Handled Controlling People: How Can You?

It is a hard, clear blue sky this afternoon in Judea when Jesus speaks. The crowds come. And come, from villages all around. They press in. Pushing closer, to hear his words. His disciples with him, Jesus preaches, his voice penetrating the desert air, reaching the hearts open to his word.

But someone interrupts him, to say that his family has arrived. They wish to speak with him, but are unable to get through the densely packed crowds to his side.

What is Jesus’ response? He says his family are those all about him, not limited by birth. Jesus refuses to let his family presume upon him and his mission (Matthew 12:46-50).

Jesus Preaching

What Is The Controlling Personality Pattern?

Jesus uses the Assertion compass point to withstand the Controlling Pattern. The Self Compass shows how the Controller pattern exaggerates a sense of competence. Without humility from the Weakness compass point, Controllers consider any opinion of theirs as the right opinion. Other people benefit when told how to think and act. It's only being helpful. 

Unknowingly, Controllers labor under the heavy burden of perfectionism, sometimes called the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Even though it’s impossible to achieve perfection, they're always striving to do so.  This curse of perfectionism yields bitter fruit. It isolates the person and torments others. Without caring from the Love compass point, the Controller pattern drives out joy, replacing it with a certain dictatorial grimness. It keeps Controllers from nurturing, forgiving, or having much fun. 

Compulsive Controller Personality Disorder

“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear," Jesus says, "and lay them on the shoulders of others; but they themselves are unwilling to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).

How It Feels To Be Around Controlling People

Someone living with the Controller pattern can feel this way:

• My spouse has the answers.
• My job is to obey all my spouse’s correctives because I’m incompetent. At times, I feel downright stupid.
• I want to act like a child, blow my stack. Pout.
• Which brings on the imperious censure even more full throttle.
• I feel demeaned. Deflated.
• I am an adult, yet constantly judged for my driving capability, for my grammar, for the way I give our child a bath, fill a dishwasher, make a bed.
• Somewhere there is fury.
• Certainly shame. 

Person Feeling Judged

Ways to Counter The Controlling Pattern

1. At home, calmly speak about how you feel, making full use of your Self Compass tools of caring assertion and humble confidence: 

"I feel like I can't do anything right these days. That doesn't feel good. It feels kind of grim to be around you. Not much fun."

2. Suggest ways that would work for you: 

"It would help me if you can you go more easy with your comments, maybe throw in a few compliments here and there?"

3. At work, use diplomatic assertion with a compulsive perfectionist boss:

"Yes, for sure I'm as keen as you are for me to turn in a topnotch Year End report. In order to do that, however, I will still need to turn it in tomorrow as we had previously agreed, rather than today as you're asking."

For more, read:

THE SELF COMPASS:

Charting Your Personality in Christ

Billy Graham Through the Lens of the Self Compass

Most of us find great people fascinating. We want to know what they believe, what hardships they've lived through, and what legacy they hope to leave. Billy Graham is such a person. Not many who live nearly a century are able to tell the world what they've held most dear for a lifetime. In his book Nearing Home, written at the age of ninety-three, Graham does just that. 

Dr. Billy Graham at the Billy Graham Library

Using the Self Compass as a lens for seeing into Billy Graham's personality and life perspective, I've organized quotes from Nearing Home into the compass categories of Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength.

LOVE COMPASS POINT

"God proved His love on the cross. When Christ hung, and bled, and died, it was God saying to the world, 'I love you.'"

"When we come to Christ and trust Him alone for our salvation, God forgives our sins, and we become reconciled to Him forever. He also comes to live with His Holy Spirit and adopt us into His family as sons and daughters. And because we now belong to Him we will be with Him in heaven some day. In the meantime He is with us every moment of the day, to the very end of our earthly journey."

"One of my saddest moments was when Ruth preceded me in death. I watched her suffer with dignity, with feisty humor, and with a gentle spirit ready to meet our Lord. She taught me so much about the last chapter of life. Knowing where she is, the One she is with, and the fact that I will be with her soon are of monumental comfort to me."

ASSERTION COMPASS POINT

"At the time of our personal surrender and acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, He commands us to walk in His footsteps. Receiving His power gives us courage to follow him and abide in His presence."

"For many years I made it a practice to read a chapter a day from the book of Proverbs, thus covering the entire book every month. Proverbs is filled with practical wisdom on a wide variety of topics: relationships, possessions, family, speech, work, habits, and so much more. The Bible is our authority in everything."

"God wants to use you right where you are. Every day you probably come into contact with people who will never enter a church or talk with a pastor or open a Bible. You may be the bridge God uses to bring them to His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ."

WEAKNESS COMPASS POINT

"Grief is a reality; those who say that we shouldn't grieve the loss of loved ones 'because they're better off now' have never understood the enormous hole that is left in our hearts when loved ones die. Yes, they may be better off if they are in Heaven—but we aren't better off. A major part of our lives has been ripped from us, and just as it takes time to heal from a major surgery, so it takes time to heal from the loss of a loved one."

"Death is always an intruder, even when it is expected. It disrupts our lives and brings grief in its wake. No one welcomes death's legacy of pain and emptiness and loneliness—but God has not abandoned us and even in the midst of life's greatest sorrows His Word is still true: 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5)."

"Why is it that money, success, and pleasure bring no lasting satisfaction? Because they ignore one of life's greatest truths: we don't have just bodies and minds, but we also have souls, also called spirits. If we ignore this truth—if we feed our bodies but starve our souls—our lives will be incomplete and unfulfilled, and we will find ourselves weak and unprepared for life's inevitable challenges."

STRENGTH COMPASS POINT

"George Beverly Shea enjoys life at a hundred and two. He considers me his younger friend. Those who are blessed with living a healthy and full life for a century and counting are in a class of their own. Many often ask why Bev can so effectively communicate with the young. I believe the reason is that Bev embraces his age with grace and humor and people are drawn to that authenticity. They are invigorated by his good spirit and his testimony to what the Lord Jesus means to him."

"God doesn't want us to waste our later years or spend them in superficial meaningless pursuits. Instead He wants us to use them in whatever ways we can infuence those whill come after us. God wants us to finish well—and one of the ways we do this is by passing on our values and our faith to those who follow us."

"No matter what our age nothing prepares us for the future like a solid moral and spiritual foundation based on God's will for our lives."

In what may well be the his last written words, Graham closes Nearing Home with an assuring word to every Christian:

"For those who have received the most precious gift of Christ's redeemed blood...you have reason to look forward to the glories of Heaven, for you will be perfected, you will be joyful, you will once again be active, and right now you can be certain you are nearing home."

Jesus Christ's Self Compass

A pastoral counseling colleague at Harvard Divinity School told me that, "Jesus Christ had no personality as we know it today. He has nothing in common with modern conceptions of personality. And there is no similarity between his behavior and ours."

I disagree. Jesus' behavior in the Gospels reveals what personality is all about—motivation, perception, learning, memory, emotion, cognition, and spirituality. The Son of God became fully human precisely so we can relate to him through our personalities. And in Christ's behavior we see God's personality wholeness, as well as a model for becoming more whole ourselves. 

Biblical names of Jesus Christ reveal crucial aspects of his personality. Four names in particular illustrate the complimentary dynamics of  Christ’s Self Compass. 

Christ's Self Compass

Jesus as the Good Shepherd reveals the Love compass point. He watches over his sheep and calls them by name. As he lays his life down for his sheep out of love, so he commands: “As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (Jn 13:34). Jesus shows us how: In caring service Christ taught the disciples, and healed and fed the multitudes. He formed close friendships that revealed loyalty and emotional fulfillment, yet cared for himself by taking time to pull back from his ministry and restore his energies.

The Lion of Judah reveals the Assertion compass point of Jesus’ personality. A fierce opponent of injustice, Jesus rebuked the self-righteous Pharisees and drove the moneychangers out of his Father’s temple. Though tempted by Satan, he resisted and affirmed the Father's will, and will return to judge the living and the dead. And Jesus challenges us all to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation" (Mk 16:15). It is from Assertion that we find the courage to live out Christ's commands, imperfectly, yet courageously.

Growing Christlike

The Lamb of God reveals the Weakness compass point of Jesus' personality when he gives his life to save people from the inseparable breach that sin creates between them and God. And he knows, too, that "since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you" (Jn 15:20 NLT). Through Jesus' suffering we draw comfort from him who shares in all human suffering; our God who stands with and for us in both adversity and need.

The Prince of Peace reveals the Strength compass point of Jesus' personality. As God’s reigning Messiah who overcomes sin and the devil to inaugurate the kingdom of God, Jesus alone can say, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (Jn 14:27).  Jesus is the source of a believer's Strength, a confidence balanced by trust in the Lord and sensitivity to others.

Jesus gifts humanity with a redemptive psychology of personal and relational transformation, and lives within us to empower our healthy personality transformation throughout the lifespan.

For more on how the Self Compass forms a dynamic living connection between you and Christ, see:  

Compass Psychotheology:  

Where Psychology & Theology Really Meet.

Catholic Cardinals Commend The Self Compass

In my seminary years I received prayerful guidance to the effect that someday I would construct a personality model acceptable within a broad spectrum of Christianity. This came as an inner impression, bringing with it a compelling urge to read widely in personality, including the writings of Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, the Old Testament prophets, the Gospels, the apostle Paul, among others.

"Dan, don't just read Protestant theologians, philosophers and psychologists," coached the interior voice, which I perceived as the Holy Spirit. "Include great Catholic thinkers like St. Augustine, St. Teresa of Avila, Gabriel Marcel, Adrian van Kaam, and Thomas Merton."

I followed these marching orders, completing both Masters and PhD degrees. The central theme was integrating psychology, philosophy and theology around personality transformation in Christ. However, any connection to the Catholic Church lay dormant for the next 20 years—until the editor of Pauline Books and Media called and ask if I would write a book for them integrating depth psychology and Catholic spirituality. 

My wife Kate and I wrote the manuscript for God and Your Personality and received a ratifying contract almost immediately. Sister Mary Mark confided in the accompanying letter, "Dan, I want you to know that our convent had been in prayer for a month, asking the Lord who should write this book. The Holy Spirit impressed us to contact you."

Now twenty years have passed since the book was published. By the grace of God, it has become in the words of the Daughters of St. Paul, "a modern day spiritual classic." I feel awe and gratitude, having seen the book translated into ten languages, and a newly revised and expanded Kindle edition.

I bring this up because Catholic Cardinals keep a watchful eye out for what personality theories they commend to lay readers, and which ones—like the Enneagram—are judged as heretical.

This is prudent and necessary, since any personality model not only puts forth assumptions about human personality, but by implication judges the Nature and Person of Jesus Christ. This in turn affects whether the model rings true to Christian faith and doctrine.    

The Self Compass growth tool helps your understand how the Father moves through your personality, conforming you into the image of the Son by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am especially gratified that Cardinals from five countries have written me letters commending the Self Compass and Compass Therapy as doctrinally sound growth tools for facilitating personality wholeness and spiritual holiness.

And that God and Your Personality has been selected for inclusion in the Vatican Library,  as well as endorsed by the Secretary of the Vatican Council for the Evangelization of Peoples, Archbishop Robert Sarah.

I am posting several of these letters for the benefit of my dear Catholic readership, to give assurance that the Self Compass and Compass Therapy not only incorporate empirical studies from personality research, but beyond this, these tools of transformation ultimately derive from the Nature and Personality of Jesus Christ.

The letters are as follows:

                                                          

PAUL CARDINAL POUPARD, THE VATICAN: “God & Your Personality is no New Age influenced waffle clouded in a mystique of blurb, but a useful tool for all those who seek to address personality issues and quench their innate spiritual thirst with the living-water which truly satisfies!"
 

RICARDO CARDINAL VITAL, PHILIPPINES: “God & Your Personality is a noble accomplishment and a gift to individuals who seek wholeness and holiness.”

ERDO CARDINAL PETER, HUNGARY: "God & Your Personality is a fine achievement and wonderful contribution to the healing ministry." 

STEPHEN CARDINAL KIM, KOREA:  "I am now reading Dr. Montgomery's God and Your Personality and find it very enlightening."

ROGER CARDINAL MAHONY, USA: “The Catholic tradition has long affirmed the value of the human sciences in leading us to a deeper understanding of the human person in relation to God and others. Dr. Dan Montgomery’s work, drawing as it does from the riches of psychological investigation and insight, will prove most helpful for those striving to grow and develop in the Christian life.”

To read more, click the title below for the print or Kindle edition:

GOD AND YOUR PERSONALITY: REVISED AND EXPANDED CATHOLIC EDITION

God and Your Personality