If
you’ve ever grown a potted plant, you know that after a certain passage of time
the roots become pot bound: they take up so much room that there is no room
left for soil in the pot. Now the survival of the plant is in jeopardy, since
it cannot live by root alone, but needs vital sustenance from the nutrients in
soil.
The
solution? Repotting. You
get a larger pot, though not too large. You mix a fresh batch of topsoil with a
touch of fertilizer. You cut back tangled roots. You ease the plant from the
outgrown pot into the newly prepared one, firmly tamping the soil around it.
Then you sit back and watch it sprout a new season of leaves and branches as it
celebrates life.
Spirituality works in this way to stimulate
growth within couple’s love.
There can come
a time when you take each other for granted, all too easily
slipping into patterns that manipulate each other for ego gratification. You
don’t know exactly why the relationship loses its vitality, or why what used to
enchant you now irks you.
What
to do?
- Some couples mistake a spiritual problem for an external one, and decide to move to a new house, buy a new car, or go on a trip. But changing the outer environment proves insufficient. They find they once the outer changes are made, the boredom with each other remains.
- Other couples simply assume that the attraction found in dating must naturally diminish over time, what with the acquisition of home and family life, jobs, and the daily grind. They slip into routines and preoccupations that help cover up the loss of communion.
- Some individuals opt for the more radical solution of an affair and heartrending dissolution of the partnership.
What
I want to suggest, though, is that a love relationship can grow over the years
through the transforming renewal of spirituality.
When you reach out to God, you are drawing upon a rejuvenating dynamic that
has much the
same effect as transplanting a root-bound plant. This is like adding
fresh soil and a dash of fertilizer to the seasons of couple’s
life.
You can pray something like, “God, help
me grow in my personality and behavior in such way as enriches my relationship
with this person I love. Please remove any rigid attitudes that are detrimental,
and develop in me that which graces my life with humble strength and assertive
caring. Thank you for helping us work through our blockages and re-invigorate
our love.”
Embarrassment need not prevent praying
out loud for each other. I’d like to suggest that doing so lets your spouse feel
your loving concern. It empowers a couple to transform inner frustrations into
verbal supplications for help and blessing.
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| Couple Praying Together |
Let’s say you are thoroughly fed up
with a boss at work; that you’ve been unconsciously grumpy with your spouse as
a side effect. Now the night comes when the two of you are lying in bed, one
watching television while the other is reading.
“I feel kind of powerless seeing you go through this pain,” says your spouse. “I can’t seem to help you. I’m wondering if I might pray for some kind of spiritual help in your work situation, and also between us.”You feel a flash of self-consciousness. You’re not used to praying out loud. Yet what can it hurt? “Okay,” you say.Your partner scoots nearer to you and lays a hand on your chest: “Dear God, please help this job situation find a new solution. Please bless and guide our couple’s life. Help us grow closer than ever through this. Thank you.”The two of you lie there in stillness. Your breathing has deepened. Your chest feels lighter. A peace comes that has eluded you for several months. Without really thinking about it, you are surrendering to the beauty of having a pot transplant, just when you needed it most.
Thank
God for those who pray about their couple’s love. And thank God
for ingenious answers to those prayers, for nourishing individual roots with
fresh potting soil, for creating an ever-expanding spaciousness for couple’s
growth in intimacy.
For more, read:
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| Staying in Love |
