How To Counter the Non-Stop Talker

The Storyteller patterned person wants your total attention as long as you’re willing to give it.  

Non-stop Talking

How do you interrupt a steady stream of non-stop talking? By practicing some polite conversation stoppers.

1. A touch on the arm, and, “Paula, I’m feeling overloaded right now. You’re giving me so many details that I lose track of what you’re really saying.”
2. “I’m glad you had a good time at the party, Ryan. I need to get back to work.” Stand up and walk away, with a polite “See you later.”
3. Agree that something is indeed exciting, then ask, “Would you be interested in hearing something I have to say?”

Watch for a phrase or topic that triggers something you want to talk about and then step in to forcefully change the subject. You’re not being rude, just shifting the person’s monologue into a dialogue.

When you consistently give into the onslaught of storytelling, inner resentment can make you miserable, helping neither you nor the person caught in the histrionic Storyteller pattern.

If someone with the Storyteller pattern negatively impacts your life:

1. Use caring assertion to say when you’ve had enough. 
2. Make sure you get time alone to recover. 
3. If they seek help, refer them to this book: The Self Compass: Charting Your Personality in Christ.
4. Suggest prayer and pastoral counseling. 
5. If you’re willing to support them in their growth, discuss how that might work.

Here is Carmen dealing with her boyfriend Boone’s Storyteller pattern. They have met after work and Boone is in full swing:

“So anyway, I just had the best time at the gym. They just redecorated the whole place. I don’t know if you’ve been recently but I was so surprised to see the new carpeting and they’ve totally repainted the men’s locker room. Say, did I tell you I had lunch with Ernesto? I met him in the men’s locker room, see, and we discovered that we both really like to play pool. There’s this cool place he knows about that I’ve never been to, but I’d love to take you sometime. How about tonight? Want to try it out? I can teach you the basic strokes. It’d be fun, huh, Carmen? Anyway, I found out how to…” 

Head Spinning

Her head spinning, Carmen touches Boone on his arm and waits until he stops talking and gives her eye contact.

“Boone.” She smiles as she sighs. “I got overwhelmed with all that you just told me. I think I took in that the gym’s been redecorated, but I lost you after that.” 

Carmen takes his hand. “Can you tell me just one short thing you really want to get across to me and leave it at that?”

Boone looks down. “I know I get too excited sometimes. It’s just that…” He bites his lip. “Okay. Here goes. One thing. Would you like to play pool with me tonight?”

Carmen grins and hugs him. "I'd love to!"

For more, read:

THE SELF COMPASS:

CHARTING YOUR PERSONALITY IN CHRIST

How To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse

The Self Compass offers growth tools that really work for improving couples’ communication. The four compass points of the Self Compass (Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength) provide the framework for a growing and healthy couples' relationship.

In a nutshell, when you utilize all four compass points for couples' communication, you:

Love: Act considerately

Assertion: Express self tactfully

Weakness: Own up to blowing it

Strength: Listen respectfully

On the Self Compass, it looks like this:

Couples' Communication Self Compass

Here are some pointers to help you utilize your whole Self Compass in couples' communication:

Love and Assertion:

1. Avoid escalating a disagreement: restate it diplomatically in the here and now; agree where possible, and work toward a compromise.
2. Get rid of putdowns or sarcastic remarks (that read as aggressive to the unconscious) that make a partner self-conscious.
3. Instead, watch for ways to praise your partner, including around other people.  
4. Avoid painting your partner in a negative light, because the unconscious will always remember it.
5. Just as in car maintenance, keep your marriage well oiled and lubricated by a generous supply of basic kindness:  “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” “Excuse me.” “Good morning.” “Sleep well.” “How are you?” “I need you.” “I’m sorry.” “I love you!”

Strength and Weakness:

1. Offer your opinion or preference with humility.
2. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. 
3. Assume you don't know everything.
4. Warm up your spouse up to the communication you wish to have. 
5. Realize that you experience things that your spouse has no way of knowing about, unless you tell them. Avoid the trap of believing that if a person really loves you, he or she will be able to read your mind. 
6. The only tools available for communication and communion are words and body language. So whatever you want to say, especially if it has a strong emotional valence to it, break it to your partner gently.
7. Avoid arguments and misunderstandings by willingly repeating whatever you’re trying to say in fresh new words. 
8. It is only natural for couples to mishear a communication, or to take something personally and react defensively, instead of continuing the communication. 
9. With practice you can learn to let your partner finish whatever they are trying to say without interrupting them, or short-circuiting the communication with an emotional reaction. 
10. The more grace you extend to your partner, the more grace they become willing to extend to you. 
11. Taking the time to humbly clarify any misunderstanding builds mutual goodwill.

And finally, bring God right into the center of your relationship. Couples need all the help they can get to develop creative caring, ongoing respect, and emotional intimacy. Hold hands together and pray out loud for God’s will in your relationship: “Dear God, please bring blessing and guidance in our couple’s life. Help us grow closer than ever through this. Thank you.”